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| "Spike Shadows" Acrylic on canvas 12 x 25 2015 |
If you are a local, you know about our park system and its
extensive network of trails that lead from the Lake to the River (as in Ohio
River). My husband and I decided to dust off the old trail bikes and go a few
miles (28 each time but who is counting) a couple of times this past month. As
a walker, one sees the journey differently than one on two wheels so I have
learned. Allow me to share this new perspective….literally and figuratively.
No this is not a Letterman List so there is no particular
ranking of least to worst vision violations.
1. The parks and trails have lots of rules posted.
They remind you of them at most access points and break spots…most people don’t
follow them. If one follows the rules and someone else does not, who is at
fault when a near miss occurs? The “oh my gosh there is no room to pass bell
dinging fool” or the “I don’t care, my conversation is more important bird
flipper”?
2. Bike shorts on men over 50. Don’t. Just
don’t……at least not without some type of looser shorts over them…
3. Sports Bras…..never could figure out what sport
they are for, but jogging is not one of them. Even when you are on your own
side of the trail, I have to time my pass so I don’t get knocked off my bike by
those knockers. I also have to not run over my husband who has since fallen off
his bike from the centrifugal force of his own whiplash.
4. Turtles. There are monster turtles lurking in
the canal. They sit on logs sunning themselves looking all passive and sleepy…I
bet they eat little kids.
5. Little kids. Teaching your kid to ride a bike
for the first time on a busy trail is not a great idea. The wobbly little
munchkins could run into a defensive middle-ager minding the trail rules.
Defensive (and now wet) middle-ager can swim or at least stand up in the canal.
Your kid is turtle food.
6. Alligators. No, there are not any that I know of,
but what a great prank! If I owned one of the canal side docks, I have a remote
control alligator in the water, just waiting to start swimming along when
someone is leisurely riding along enjoying the scenery. Gotta feed my turtles
somehow!
7. A sign that reads “no buggies on the trail”
means you have gone really far! Wonder how many Amish have gone rouge and drag
raced their buggies on the trail after dusk to prompt such a warning.
8. The divided highway….sort of along the lines of
biker shorts. This would be the baggy pants version of biker wear. Pull up
those yoga pants ladies!
9. Sasquatch. Another great prank. Way out in the
remote sections of the trail…nobody around….a Sasquatch crosses your path in
the distance, hesitating long enough for the image to register for an accurate
reenactment of size for when Bobo comes to conduct a town meeting about the
recent rash of Sasquatch sightings. Too bad bored kids in Amish country don’t
have access to TV, or perhaps that is a good thing! Getting ambulance access to
the trails for heart attacks or broken bones could be a bit dicey.
10.
Some people take this hobby way too seriously.
Biker gangs (the pedal pushing kind) do occasionally terrorize the middle-agers
moving along at a steady pace. “Passing on your left” comes the call, then a
dozen or so spandex wearing, helmet clad, hunched over, speedsters zoom
past…with one or two lagging behind just when you thought it was safe to ease
on back over from the edge of turtle town. I ding my little handlebar bell in
protest.
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