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| High ropes challenge course part one at The Summit. |
The ever present universal debate on how to best raise kids
seems to be coming to the forefront again, or else we are all tired of hearing
about healthcare, celebrities and food fads. On our recent road trip, the
radio, some magazines, social media and a local newspaper, had segments on (5,
10, 20 etc….take your choice) things to teach your kids. Granted, they were not
exactly the same things but the overall idea was essentially consistent.
My husband and I got a good laugh out of most of them
because we were raised in the “unconnected” generation. Some call us boomers,
not in the sense of population growth, but in the sense that we went “boom” a
lot. No seatbelts, no bike helmets, no
car seats, no special shoes for woodland exploration, no hands on the handlebars,
playground equipment installed over asphalt,….that kind of stuff which would
sometimes result in accidental contact with the cement. A little spit or some
garden hose water would wipe away the blood and gravel and off we’d go. When the streetlights came on, one went home.
Nobody worried all that much about where we were, they wanted to know if we had
had fun.
Now don’t get all up in my face about how the world has
changed and it is no longer safe….it was probably not too safe back then
either, we just didn’t know it. We learned about safety by trial and error,
something kids don’t get to do much these days. Yes, we got hurt or burned
(singed is more like it) or lost or scraped or punctured or bit or scared., but
we learned what to do or how to react and cope without our parents having to
intervene and take the pain so to speak.
In school, we did our work. There was no access to some online resource
to see if we turned in a paper or when our tests were or what the content of an
assignment would be, like parents have today and whom some seem to check daily
to keep track of their child’s progress. We learned time management and
consequence on our own. I bought into that whole idea when my kids were in
middle school (boomer era junior high) and quit. It was not my job to do the
work on time, it was theirs. I had done my time, I had daredevil stuff to do
while they were in school like cutting the grass with no socks on or using spray
paint without a mask.
So what were some of the top five things according to the
experts that we should make sure our children experience? Turns out that our
scouting years covered them all and then some….be prepared is not just an empty
phrase. I will share the experts’ list in no particular order then add a few of
my own. Why? Because many of my friends are facing the empty nest come next
week and I think a few of them are very unprepared, the parents that is, not
their kids.
One, let your kids play with fire. Yep, very important
because then a kid learns to respect its power and the mystic of matches goes
away. Flick a lighter, use matches to light a campfire, burn some sticks, throw
other materials onto the fire to see how they react and so forth. Fire is
dangerous if you don’t understand it so take away the drama and fascination and
mystery. A second degree burn will pretty much keep the interest level down and
only leave a scar. Good way to learn about first aid too.
Two, let your child own a pocket knife and use it. Yep, very
important because a kid learns that sharp things will cut you but if used
respectfully, can be very handy. Our dads all carried them and mine still pulls
one out to fix just about anything. Too bad the thing can also land him in jail
now for carrying it in the wrong locations. Great way to learn first aid for
wounds that bleed and knowing what cuts require stitches and what is okay with some pressure
and elevation (or spit and a candy bar wrapper bandage).
Three, learn to throw a spear. We called that lawn jarts.
Not only does one learn to throw, but to also check the target area. Those not
throwing at the time learn to get their butt out of the way. Great way to learn
first aid for puncture wounds. Nobody ever had to warn the dog to get out of
the way because they are smarter than people.
Four, allow your kids to take something apart. Usually old
appliances would be allowed however I recall a few things coming apart that
were supposed to put back together but never quite worked the same way
afterwards. Hmmm….good thing my brother had a sister to blame for that one.
Give the kids access to hand tools of all kids (hammers are a blast and teach
you to move your fingers out of the way…or are a great way to learn first aid
for things needing splints). Power tools are fun too! Learning how to use a saw,
a drill, and other potentially “dangerous” things take away the mystery and
build confidence and comfort. Saw off some branches to build a fire and maybe
even throw a sharp stick towards the wood pile!
Number five was to let your kids drive while little, meaning
put them on your lap with their hands over yours on the steering wheel and
“drive” or steer the car. Okay, after you get out of jail and go through the
courts to get your kids back from CPS, do it in a parking lot away from people
who might see you. It teaches them to see how driving a car requires some
concentration so when a request for quiet from the back seat is made
(regardless of tone of voice), the kid knows why. Take the mystery out of what
is so special about being behind the wheel.
There were other things suggested in the various articles,
but the overall idea was the same. Experience life without fears, rules and
restrictions to build confidence and character. I would like to add a few more
ideas to the list….
1.
Teach your child to speak to an adult
appropriately. I could do a whole four page blog on that topic alone. If you
want to hear that one, let me know, I’d be happy to vent!
2.
Teach your child to leave a phone message on an
answering machine or voice mail. Translation: say your name slowly and clearly,
say why you are calling, and say your number SLOWLY and clearly and then your
name again. (and to say thank you before hanging up).
3.
Teach your child to do laundry and how to iron
clothing. When that job interview comes up suddenly, is mommy going to drive 4
hours to iron your shirt? Hell no.
4.
Teach your child to use a stove and an oven, not
just a microwave. Cooking teaches time management, measurement, and patience as
well as budgeting and provides a lifelong skill.
5.
Teach your child not to be afraid to make a
mistake, that it is okay to fail at something, it is okay to be embarrassed by
something, and that most people are not paying attention to you, they have
their own issues and worries.
6.
Teach your child to be flexible. Traveling with kids
is a great way for them to learn that trait.
7.
Teach them how to write their signature…NOT a
printed letter by letter kind, but a continuous line cursive version of their
own name. When they become famous and have to write their autograph, it is
faster to do so without looking like a five year old.
8.
Teach your child time management and
accountability. Don’t wake them up, don’t check their grades, don’t read their
mail, don’t ask if they paid the rent and their bills every month…expect them
to just do these things and if they don’t, well…consequences provide lots of
experience. Always be there to bail them out if needed so they know they can
rely on you, but don’t’ let them depend upon you. They are adults…so are you.
Do your parents do these things for you?
You're right on ,Judi.
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