Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Yes and No

Yes I can and no I won’t. Is it just artists that get asked to do things in a certain way? “Can you draw my picture?” Yes I can.  “How much does it cost?”  At least $100 depending upon (interrupted)… “Can you do it for $10?” No I won’t.  “But that is all I want to pay.”  Take a selfie.

“Can you paint a picture of my dog?”  Yes I can. “Can you do it really big from this picture off my phone, I want to put it in my bedroom.” Yes, I can. “How much?”  At least $200 depending upon (interrupted)… “Can you do by tomorrow for $50, I want surprise my boyfriend.” No, I won’t.  “But I need it right now.” Take a picture.

Now this happens far more often than one would think. Standing at the checkout and the bagger knows you are an artist….”if I bring in a picture of my husband, can you draw him?  I only want to pay $10 though”. I hear it from people wandering in off the street who like the pretty pictures, (and no, that dress is not a lampshade). They like the artwork but only want me to make something from a picture pulled out of a pocket that was most likely printed off of a website that posts pictures of other people’s work. “Can you paint this?” Yes, I can.  “Can you do it for under $50 bucks?” No, I won’t. And not because of the money, but because of the ethical issues of copying somebody else’s work. “But I like this one and you can paint.” Yes, I can, I am glad you do, but no, that is not right to copy somebody else’s art, just buy if from that artist. “But they want too much money.”  (sigh)

 I like it when I am standing there in a paint covered apron, brushes in hand, and get asked if I am an artist.  Oh how I wish to say “no, I am the electrician just filling in while the artist goes to the bathroom”. I bet they would believe me. 

As I get older, my brain is working faster than my mouth. Good thing too. Probably because there is a clog someplace in the process of getting thoughts organized enough to make a coherent sentence, a circumstance which I will gladly embrace for my own personal safety.  For instance, while working in the yard, covered in sweat and such, going in and out of the garage… a person asks “do you live here?”  Mouth says “yes”, brain says “no, but do you know how much crap I can steal from this house by hiding it inside these rocks and looking like every other landscaper in my skorts and logo t-shirt?” (skorts are a combo skirt and shorts deal so those of us who hate shorts can still stoop down to place rocks without flashing the nosy passersby.)

Back to the art thing though. Apply the question to a different profession. For example…my husband is an ObGyn. “Can you find out if I have (insert a VD of your choice)?”  Yes, I can.  “How long does it take to find out?”  You need to make an (interrupted)…. “Can you tell me today because I have a date tonight?” No, I can’t.  “But what if I do?”  Take precautions.

What about the plumber. “Can you unclog stuff that has been backed up for a few days?” Yes, I can. “How much does it cost?”  About $200 to walk in the door and (interrupted)…  “Can you just stop by on your way home and do it after work?” No, I won’t.  “But it is filling up the tub and then I will have to call a real plumber.”  To which the professional and hardworking plumber just might reply….Go to hell.

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