Friday, December 30, 2016

Dirty Little Secrets

Dear Blog,
I am sorry to have neglected you all these weeks and months like that one grape which falls out of the bag and rots in the corner of the drawer. I see you often, but sort of just grab what I need and go. So today I am writing to apologize for abandoning you since I have discovered all these dirty little secrets.

DLS #1 – Begin prolific is a bad thing. It was supposed to be a good thing. I am learning it would have been better to put down the brushes and scissors, and picked up more books. Reading only fills up the brain, not the basement.

DLS #2 – Being prolific is dangerous to one’s health. You see, all these created things have to be put into a cyber gallery space that requires hours and hours of typing. Hours and hours of typing leads to carpel tunnel pain. Pain keeps one away from typing so you poor blog site, get the short end of the straw. I know you will always be there on the screen, waiting patiently for me to return, but those cyber surfers are short on attention and need constant feeding.

DLS #3 – I really should write down all the great thoughts I have for blog ideas that happen to evolve during the night, but I’m just not that dedicated. It would mean waking the cat who then starts to howl thinking it is feeding time. Then the bladder kicks in because it hears the cat howling and thinks great, gotta go…now. So I don’t write ideas down for you blog, I just vow to remember them.

DLS #4 – I can’t remember much anymore. If I don’t write it down, I forget. Of course I also forget where I put the paper I wrote it down on. Let’s just blame this one on the cat again and move forward.

DLS #5 – People don’t really shop on line unless it is with a big company. Maybe they can’t find us little people. Maybe they don’t realize that I refuse (so far) to spend $ “boosting” posts. Maybe they don’t realize that I have yet to figure out Instagram which supposedly is essential to selling. I heard that about Pinterest. My wrist hurts just thinking about it. If thinking starts to hurt, I won’t be able to read, so I guess I’d have to go make more stuff. I think Catch 22 needs an upgrade….more like Catch 82….

DLS #6 – Okay, once one gets all their pictures taken, edited and uploaded without annoying backgrounds and distracting bodies (per trend), one comes to find out that now the pictures are supposed to be with people wearing stuff and in an environment. Really? So now I have to find people willing to pose and then do all that wrist action going through the process of data input again? Can I sue myself for workman’s comp?

DLS #7 – We live in a mobile world dear blog. Well you don’t. You just sit here in your blue W icon waiting for me to feed you words. But people do. Those same people who are supposed to be ordering merchandise from their mobile devices and wanting it shipped. I’m cool with that. I’ll ship you whatever you want to buy, but will you be someplace stationary long enough to get it? I can envision those drones chasing somebody down the street trying to drop off their package…like a scene from a Woody Allen movie.

DLS #8 – Dear blog, I hate to hurt your feelings but nobody reads you anymore. Not since I stopped talking about other people’s art. Plastic Jesus remains a big hit, but nothing else really interests anybody. It’s you and me Snarky. Maybe I should do fake review of shows that should have existed but didn’t. If it works for the Ruskies it should work for me right? This has potential……

DLS #9 – Bloggy, I did avoid you as well because of this tumultuous year. You are supposed to be a place for opinions and comment, but with all the vile rhetoric going around this year, I felt it best to lay low and not wake the sleeping cat.  Keep the claws in the paws, keep the tail low and go, ride the fence and hope everybody calms down…..

DLS #10 – I will put forth promises to you that I will write more. Don’t believe me. Staying home again is rather nice. The world is full of crazy drivers and distracted people so why should I venture out and write about a show that nobody will ever read when I could be sitting on my patio or walking the woods? Hell, I’m old enough to move to the Villages, shop on Senior Citizen’s discount day at many local retailers, and give young hooligans a stink eye without worrying about the resulting wrinkles. I even look forward to watching Hogan’s Heroes every night just so I can sing the theme song (yes, it has real words!)

DLS #11 - There are many more dirty little secrets about this online shopping and selling biz that I wish I knew then but I do know now…. However, if kids can learn common core math, then I can figure out cyber clouds. So Bloggy, while you wait for me to come back again, don’t feel like I have abandoned you. There are so many cool and funny things to write about, but between you and me lies an ornery cat.  

That’s about it for now Snarky blog. Thanks for listening (or recording I guess). See you soon (really, I’ll try harder). Love, me. 


  1. From one "nobody" who does read you...I hope you and Bloggy get back together soon. Show that ornery cat who's boss. Be well, Happy New Year,

    Tom W.